2009年4月7日星期二

Exploration Essay

Lym Wei

_____________Exploration is important for countries

___From 1500s until now, from the earth to the space, human beings have never stop exploring. In the 500 years, a lot of countries got a big progress. Some of them have become the most important countries all over the world , such as Britain, America and others.

___Exploration gave them the chance to develop them and it's important for disseminating cultures, goods trade and technologies. Exploration is important for disseminating cultures, which have the effects on people's mind. In 16th century, many explorers from Europe went to explore. Many places--which were unknown that time, were found time by time. The cultures of every country were taken to these places. And then, the cultures affected these places. The cultures which made these places better and better, as the languages, customs and the others, disseminated farther and farther, further and further. Their dissimilar cultures were associated together and could be complementary. So, the cultures got a very faster development by the exploration that time.

___In the old, goods trade could only be in a small area, but after the exploration, goods trade could became much more father. The explorers went to find the new ways to the other countries. That made people easily to exchange their goods, as the time became shorter, the risks became fewer. Such as fur trade in 17th, Canada was the fur trade centre. People from all over the world came to Canada to get the goods that they didn't have. These were all due to the exploration. The exploration opened up many new ways for goods trade. And then, goods trade could cover all over the world and until now.

___By the exploration, the world develops faster and faster in the elapsed centuries. The most important factor is technology. The technology changes the world and the exploration changes the technology. When the explorers went to other countries, they took an exchange with the native people. They saw the things that they hadn't seen and learned how to do or how to make it. When they got back, they could teach the other people. Soon, the technology became widespread. They exploration helped people to know and learn more, and then, develop their technology. They countries become better and they would be then. So, exploration is so important for technology.

___No matter why or when, exploration will not be done from now to the future. That's so important for countries. Without the exploration, the world would not develop so fast, as the exploration could improve the technology, cultures, wealth and others. Exploration makes the world better and better. So, exploration should always be held.

1 条评论:

  1. Focus 4/4
    I know you are talking about the topic from the beginning of your essay to the end of your essay.

    Organization 2.5/4
    You need to develop your introduction and conclusion.

    15.5/20 x 2 = 31/40

    Content 3/4
    I like the way you included the lessons about Canada into your essay. Try to be more specific to get a higher mark. What were the goods? What were the cultures?

    Style 3/4
    Don't over use "better and better"
    Try to use different ways of beginning your sentence.
    Don't sound like you are talking.
    "That's so important..."
    Use "As a result, it is important..."

    It would sound more like you are writing an essay.

    Usage 3/4
    Most of your essay is easy to read. Some little mistakes. Read it out load before you say you are finished. Reading the essay may help you to hear your mistakes clearer.

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